Supreme Court’s 303 Decision Throws Shade on Pride

Pride Month was great. Trans boobs were at the White House, and the Dodgers annoyed Catholics. Every flagpole in the city was lit up with Pride colors as we waved to the fat guys on bikes. But then, the Supreme Court ruined it.

People Magazine’s headline “The News Source of Record,” said it all: “Supreme Court ends Pride Month with a major blow for LGBTQ+ rights and opens door to wider discrimination.”

I am certain that the majority of court members saw it this way. In their “No Libs Allowed Clubhouse”, they were drinking a small batch of bourbon while playing pool.

• Roberts: “Does anybody have thoughts on how we should close out Pride Month?”
• Alito: “Let’s deal a major blow to LGBTQ+ rights. You break, Neil.”
• Gorsuch: “Can open the door for broader discrimination?”
• Alito: “Sure. Can we finish this game first? Break already.”
• Thomas: What does the ‘+’ stand for …?”
• Alito: “Plus-sized women. It’s a body positivity rights kinda thing.”
• Roberts: “I don’t think that’s …”
• Barrett [fist bumping Thomas]: “Whatever it is, we’re gonna deal it a major blow!”
• Gorsuch: “And open the door for broader discrimination!”

Gorsuch has a strange character. People did not laugh:

The landmark decision, which aligns with the conservative stances taken by many SCOTUS Justices has set a precedent for U.S. Businesses may now deny services to LGBTQ+ people under the First Amendment.

It may also mean that wedding photography, butter sculptors, or bakers will be able to do business with anyone they choose. The harassment of activists and state enforcement board members could end. Americans could have the freedom to pursue their own interests in commercial and social activities without government interference.

Hey, people, let’s cheer up. Pride Month is coming back next year. It will be bigger than ever! Here are some ideas to bring Pride Month alive. This project has me very excited.

It’s obvious that Pride Month lacks a musical theme. Just as there’s a “Black National Anthem”, we need an LGBT+ song. I plan to record the best session musicians in New York and LA to create the music for the song. We’ll then get the biggest collection of celebrities to sing the song since “We Are the World” in a recording booth.

The song will be played immediately after the God-booing ritual at all Democrat rallies.

I’ve already started writing the song. The song was inspired by an event called We’re Coming for Your Children. Every verse is based on a letter from “LGBT+.” The best part is that each verse focuses on a different letter of “LGBT+.”

It’s coming along great — practically writing itself. Or it was. I’m a little stuck now. I need something that rhymes with “studded dog collar.”